Blah...

I've been feeling like this for a while now. I can't exactly pinpoint a reason why I feel like this. I am grateful that for the moment the dreams have stopped. Well, I haven't had one in a couple of days so...I am feeling a bit better, emotional wise. That's what was getting to me. Stress and everything else. Then there are times where I swear it's almost like I can't feel anything. That's the best explaination I can come up with. Blah. Such a great word. That's how I feel with stress and other moods that I know that I get into and it's annoying. I don't want to feel blah. I know it's not all the time but still I feel it at times and I shouldn't, should I? I'm liking where I am now but then there's nagging feeling I get and frankly, I can't seem to shake it. Why is that? This waiting ti getting to me too. I've been praying that I find something soon and now it's looking like I jsut might have something sooner than I thought. lol. Finally I'm able to make my lemonade. lol. Sometimes I never understood that phrase. lol. I believe I understand now. Ah well. Once I get back on my feet again, I'm sure I'll be ok. I just have to keep believing that and stay positive and it'll happen. Believe, stay positive, have faith, and pray. I can do those things. Those are good things to have in your life, especially at the bumps and turns that the journey of life takes you.

What to do...

Ahh what to do when you feel like you are'nt even there? How do you go about making yourself be there? Emotional exhaustion is what I'm blaming this on. I think you would too if you were in my shoes. lol. I finally have a job, yay me! I star on Friday. That's good, don't know how much I'll be working but it's better than nothing. We'll see, they want me caught up pretty quickly so we'll see how it goes. Very similar to one of my other jobs in the past, don't think there will be a problem. Maybe that's what I need to be seen. Almost at the giving up stage and I'm determined not to get there. I don't know...could be just me. I feel out of place. Like I'm here but I'm also elsewhere. I can't say which part of me is where all I know is that's how I feel. I just feel so numb lately and I'm not sure why. I just don't know. I don't what I feel anymore. I'm surprised I'm able to get out of bed and get ready for the day. Walking for a bit helps, somewhat. Writing, listening to music hasn't been helping in the same way like it used to. Reading, HA! I've been praying more and more but...I can't see it. It's like I'm blinded by something. Like an ecilpse that blocking my vision. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Maybe all of htis was a mistake...was it? Is it? How can I tell for sure? Then to find out something that you didn't know for years...well that's just the icing. It's nice knowing now but what do I do with it now? If only I had known all those years ago...I don't know anymore.

Confusing

Where to begin? A part of me is content where I am now and the other is wandering about with just this look os sadness, confusion, lost, out of place look on it's face. I adapted here much more quickly than I did before in September. How can this be? I can't explain it...I almost with I could it all out and just pick and be done with it but I know I can't do that. If only it were possible but then where would that take me...so many questions and no answers. It's all so bewildering that it seems that I can't get a grip on it. Then other times I feel almost at peace, isn't that weird? Ah well, such is my life at this moment. I've got to keep my faith though because if I lose that then I don't know where I'll be. Got to stay strong and I'll make it through this. What's that phrase? Um...ah, "This too shall pass", and it will I just need to give it time.