What to do...

Ahh what to do when you feel like you are'nt even there? How do you go about making yourself be there? Emotional exhaustion is what I'm blaming this on. I think you would too if you were in my shoes. lol. I finally have a job, yay me! I star on Friday. That's good, don't know how much I'll be working but it's better than nothing. We'll see, they want me caught up pretty quickly so we'll see how it goes. Very similar to one of my other jobs in the past, don't think there will be a problem. Maybe that's what I need to be seen. Almost at the giving up stage and I'm determined not to get there. I don't know...could be just me. I feel out of place. Like I'm here but I'm also elsewhere. I can't say which part of me is where all I know is that's how I feel. I just feel so numb lately and I'm not sure why. I just don't know. I don't what I feel anymore. I'm surprised I'm able to get out of bed and get ready for the day. Walking for a bit helps, somewhat. Writing, listening to music hasn't been helping in the same way like it used to. Reading, HA! I've been praying more and more but...I can't see it. It's like I'm blinded by something. Like an ecilpse that blocking my vision. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Maybe all of htis was a mistake...was it? Is it? How can I tell for sure? Then to find out something that you didn't know for years...well that's just the icing. It's nice knowing now but what do I do with it now? If only I had known all those years ago...I don't know anymore.